Insuring Weight Loss Success: How to Deal with "Crabs" By Eugene Thong

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Psychologist and author Nathaniel Branden once had an encounter with a Hawaiian psychologist, who told him:

 

“When gathered in a bucket, the crabs on top will always keep the others from getting out.  It’s not good to be too great.”

 

What the heck do crabs have to do with fat loss?  Aside from the fact that they are a quality source of low calorie protein, that is?

 

Well, if you’re like just about every person I’ve trained or advised on the subject of weight loss, then the Hawaiian’s crab analogy is indicative of how literally all of your friends, family, and acquaintances will view your newly shrinking exterior.

 

If you’re like just about every person I’ve trained or advised on the subject of weight loss, then your so-called friends will not only minimize the significance of your efforts, but they will do everything in their power to sabotage your success!

 

“Oh, just look at you – you’re getting too skinny!”

 

“Isn’t it hard depriving yourself all of the time?”

 

“Here, have some of my special lasagna recipe.  In fact, have a double helping; you could use some meat on your bones.”

 

“Can’t eat cake – what, do you think you’re better than the rest of us?”

 

The last quote comes down to the heart of the matter, of course. Whether consciously or subconsciously, your friends, family, and acquaintances don’t want you to reach your goals – because it negatively reflects on them! 

 

What makes you so much better than them, that you can and are willing to make the commitments and actions necessary for an exemplary physique?

 

It’s really not their fault.  Culturally, we’re inundated with lack programming (to paraphrase Randy Gage, lack programming is the idea that rich, beautiful, successful people are evil, and it is spiritual to be poor, average, and mediocre). 

 

Everyone from your teachers to authoritarian figures to the media reinforces this idea of limitation programming.

 

The fact that you decided to take a stand for yourself and shoot for the moon so threatens this cultural brainwashing in everyone around you that secretly, they conspire against you. 

 

Because if you succeed, it reinforces that they are failures!

 

Well thank you very much, Dr. Freud, for that thrilling explanation.  But there’s still the issue of me getting that six-pack…

 

Well, here are the facts:  It’s been shown in scientific studies that having strong social support is invaluable in helping you to reach your goals.  So if having a strong social support system is vital in achieving fat loss, how do you get around all the negativity? 

 

Well, let me get out my crab traps and detail some methods you can use to defuse these 5 motivational landmines:

 

I. Set highly motivating goals

 

Your goals must inspire you to succeed; they must be vivid, tangible, and motivating.  So much so that you’d move heaven and earth to achieve them. 

 

Get down to the emotional level when goal setting – ask yourself:

 

• Why is achieving the body I want so important to me?

• What will happen if I don’t achieve this goal? 

• What will be the consequences on my life next year, or five years from now if I continue to ignore my health and physical well-being?

 

Charge yourself up, and make these things important to your life.  So much so that no one can dissuade you from achieving them. 

 

Constantly remind yourself why you need to achieve your goals.  Keep small reminders in conspicuous places, like your computer monitor, your refrigerator door, or your bathroom mirror. 

 

Moreover, use our next piece of advice…

 

 

II. Look to like-minded individuals

 

So your friends and family all look to sabotage you; so what, we say! 

 

“I’ll just take all my toys and play somewhere else!”

 

Indeed.

 

With the preponderance of Internet forums, chat rooms, and online communities available to you, right at your fingertips, finding a network of like-minded individuals has never been easier (like typing in “weight loss forum” in Google). 

 

You can use social networking sites such as Facebook or Myspace to find other people who are interested in fitness, fat loss, or “plain ol’ looking good naked” by searching for these affiliations using that site’s respective search function (just type in “fitness” or “fat loss” and click search now).

 

If digital friends aren’t your thing, there are always social groups that meet weekly or semi-weekly, such as Overeaters Anonymous or Weight Watchers, where you’ll be in cahoots with other folks who are in the same boat as you.

 

Start a club, or ask around.  With over 62% of adult Americans on a diet at this very moment and over $33 billion being spent on the pursuit of fat loss, you’re bound to bump into somebody (or a bunch of some bodies).

 

 

III. Avoidance

 

Don’t bring up the topic of your fitness program if you know it’ll only end in tragedy.  If someone asks you, “What’s new with your weight loss?”, answer briefly and quickly change the subject to something less controversial, like religion, politics, or health care.

 

If you just can’t be in the same room with one of your friends before they start raining negativity on you, then quite literally, don’t end up in the same room with them! 

 

Studies show chronic levels of stress to be associated with abdominal fat storage and heart disease.  Believe me, you’ll be better off in the long run without the naysayer's.

 

 

IV. Give them a reason to support you

 

Sometimes reaching out to someone is the best way to defuse potential hostility.  It could be that your detractor is looking for a fat-loss solution themselves; maybe they tried (unsuccessfully) in the past to lose weight themselves. 

 

It could be that they are just trying to have a joke at your expense, or don’t think you’re serious about your goals. By being forthright with them, you might help them to understand how important achieving your dream body is and they’ll be more inclined to support you.  

 

And, most importantly,

 

 

V. Value yourself more than you value others

 

Ultimately, it comes down to this: You must value yourself over others.  Now, I’m not saying that you should minimize the importance of everyone around you, or denigrate or belittle them.  Love your family and friends for who they are, as much as you always have.  Just be certain to love yourself more. 

 

Remember, your goals are your own, and no one but you can make them happen.  No matter how supportive your spouse is, he or she can’t lift the weights for you, eat appropriately for you, or ensure you get enough rest between workouts – these are all things you have to be responsible for yourself! 

 

Treat yourself as the number one priority in your life; who knows, you might even find that others respect you more for it.

  

Not everyone is out to drag you back down to the bunch, and you likely will have tons of support from most of the loved ones in your life should you decide to change your physique.  But there will be those that seek to belittle your efforts, and their numbers (and identities) may astound you.  And we’d be remiss in not giving you the firepower to defuse them.

 

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About the Author: Eugene Thong, CSCS, was born a weak, skinny, bespectacled child. Now, thanks to a steady diet of martial arts, scientific inquiry, and heavy compound movements, he's no longer weak.  His scientific bent, Zen-like demeanor, and efficient but intense methods have made him one of New York's most sought-after personal trainers.     When not helping clients cultivate their own inner 6-packs, Eugene can be found arm barring opponents at Renzo Gracie's Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Academy or sailing through the air on his snowboard.  Read Eugene's semi-weekly musings on exercise, fitness, and fat loss at his blog Eugene is Mike's co-author of The Black Book of Secrets.  You can purchase it by clicking here.